Do you ever just feel weary?
I don't mean tired. The kind that can be fixed with a nap.
No, I mean weary. The kind that no nap can fix, no cup of coffee can undo, no amount of encouragement can pull you out of.
The kind that settles in your bones and weighs your body down, making even the smallest of molehills into the most impossible mountain.
It's like a bad dream. The one when you fall into a gaping black hole and you can't climb out, no matter how hard you try, even though the light is almost within reach.
Not everyone understands this kind of weariness, I know that.
Some people label it depression. Others call it chronic fatigue syndrome. Still others say you are too busy, you need more sleep, or you're just in a funk.
Or, my personal favorite, "It's all mental. Just decide to stop feeling like that and everything will be better."
While all of these contain bits of truth, I think it's hard to define this kind of weariness. Everyone experiences it differently. Everyone deals with it differently.
So I'm not writing this to define your weariness, or mine. I'm not writing this to tell you how you should feel or even how you should fix it.
I'm writing this because I want you to know that I understand.
I understand the feeling of paralyzing frustration that sometimes bubbles up in your chest.
I understand the wishing for a stronger body and being disappointed time and time again.
I understand the not having a reason to give people so that it all makes sense to them.
I understand the roller coaster ride that is your emotions and your energy.
I understand the desire for motivation, yet feeling hopelessly helpless and weak.
I understand the vicious cycle of lies about yourself that run through your head
I understand, my friend.
While I don't have a guaranteed-fix-everything answer for you, I do want to encourage you with this thought:
When you are weary, rest; don't quit.
It's time to stop beating yourself up for taking a day off.
Don't worry too much about dinner and all the housework that might be piling up. A crock pot recipe or leftovers from the freezer are just as satisfying as an elaborate, freshly made meal. And, in my experience, the housework will wait patiently for you.
It's okay to say no to things that aren't really that important, or that you don't have time or energy to do.
And, most importantly, take your focus off your struggles and fix your eyes on Jesus.
He is strong in every place you are weak. His grace is sufficient, even the world's or your own is not. He will give you strength for today. He will give you real rest.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grown weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31